The Pandemic Blog Nobody Needed

I'm certain you don’t need this. But I do.

I woke up yesterday filled with anxiety, fear, and no shortage of self-loathing. I was sure that I was not being a good pandemic mom, that my kids' brains were going to not-so-slowly melt from an excess of screen time, and that they were going to turn semi-feral from the lack of structure. All I wanted to do was clean my house and organize my clutter, even though my daughter was begging to make smoothies, my son needed an intervention from the Xbox, and the dog was whining for me (and only me) to take him for a walk. As I inexpertly MacGyvered a charging station for my kitchen counter, ignoring everyone except the true crime podcast narrator in my ears, I inwardly chastised myself for being selfish.

Selfish.

I was cleaning my kitchen and calling myself selfish.

Gradually, I shed the self-judgment and embraced the self-interest. It would make me feel better to have order in my kitchen, so I did it. I said no to smoothies because I wanted a clean kitchen for at least a little while. I let my son do ... whatever he was doing. I walked the dog a bit later for some outdoor alone time.

Then the family regrouped. We decided to revisit Yates Mill Park, where we had hiked a few weeks back. I wanted to try a new spot, but my son was looking for something familiar, so we did that. My daughter started moaning and whining that her brother got to choose the destination, so I asked her to help her dad pack us some snacks. (Then, when we got to the park, he gave her a quick pep talk/stern warning not to complain.)

She made it through the walk. Her brother even gave her a 30-second piggy back.

I recovered. We recovered. And I came home to a clean kitchen.

I am still not convinced I'm going to be a good pandemic mom. They didn't cover social distancing in What to Expect When You're Expecting. But yesterday was not a bad day, and for that I am grateful.