Not So Blind

When my siblings and I were kids, my mom used to tell us that “'Meant to’ was a bad fellow.” This whole Lent I have “meant to” contribute to this blog and all the things that involves – reading Scripture, reflecting on its meaning, praying. And like my mom’s words and the admonition we have recently remembered Jesus giving to His disciples – the spirit has been willing, but the flesh has most definitely been weak. There have been a lot of good reasons I couldn’t get my act together – namely, the big project that finishing up my job and preparing to move back to the US has been for me and my family – but to that end, I have basically neglected all but the most rudimentary aspects of living.

When I re-surfaced after my last day of work, it was to go to Holy Thursday evening Mass. I was feeling really overwhelmed after some lovely words from people at work – I finished not personally feeling that I’d achieved my best, but very grateful for the kind words of others who think I have made a difference to them over the last number of years. Mass was peaceful and calming, and the words of the homily had a particularly strong meaning to me in that moment. Our parish priest spoke of different types of spiritual blindness, and one he highlighted was the blindness of not knowing you were living out your faith. The example he used was that of busy parents, looking after their children, cooking, cleaning, tending to the aspects of daily living, and thinking they didn’t have time for spirituality, but not realizing that it is in the looking after and cleaning and cooking that we care for and show our love for one another – and best live out our faith. I have received so much care in the last number of weeks – in the form of my husband looking after our son and me so I could get on with what I needed to; of my work mates taking time out of their busy schedules to help me finish up lots of chores; of friends’ words of support and encouragement. And I hope that some of what I have done over the last years, in trying to help and support the work of others, has made an impact – perhaps I haven’t achieved all I could have, but maybe I have lived out, and received, caring in this way.

There are a lot of changes in my life to come right now, the obvious ones like moving, settling in a new place, and the less obvious ones such as spending some time looking after my son and not working. I’m looking forward to it tremendously but also wary of not having the identity, for a time, that a job brings. In the moments of doubt that I am sure will come, I pray that I can pause to reflect on those words and not live blindly but rather striving and giving in wherever I find myself in life.