Lenten Yes

I approach this Lent in something of a spiritual void – one I very much want to fill. It’s not that I don’t see God working in my life – on the contrary, I feel very much looked after at the moment, as many pieces of my life are falling into place. I think perhaps the overwhelming exhaustion of all the upcoming changes in my life and the many things that need to be done before they can occur has just depleted me of the strength to think beyond the task of the day. I am about to move country with my husband and son and while this is a much sought after homecoming for me, there is a lot between here and there – packing and planning; endless paperwork to sort out; a job that has had highs and lows over the last five years to complete, and leave with something that can move my career forward and also leave something behind for my colleagues; and perhaps most importantly, a world of good friends and family to say goodbye to, and in fact the place where I got married and gave birth, to bid farewell to. My emotions are almost too much to take in, and it leaves my feeling somewhat empty. I think that has been my approach to my spiritual life of late as well – my frustrations with the Church, frustrations that used to get me up in arms but at least passionate, are currently leaving me apathetic and unsure – the path to my own spiritual fulfillment, and indeed the best way to impart faith and perhaps religion to my son, remains murky at best.

In this storm of emotions and exhaustion, I’ve had two uplifting experiences at Mass recently that make me think about where my life is heading. Last week, we met my son’s best little friend from daycare at our church – her mom had decided to switch parishes, and my son and his friend greeted each other with the kind of intense joy that only toddlers can show – they were so happy to see each other, they were literally jumping for joy. It’s small and simple, but isn’t that something very important I should remember about Church, i.e. the body of Christ, that it’s easy to forget in all the politics and problems (which I don’t dismiss by the way – they are important and I expect something I will always struggle with and I don’t have a clear answer to). But it reminded me that part of the experience of sharing in Mass is the celebration of community and the comfort that brings, and certainly my son and I experienced that these last two weeks. And today at my son’s Sunday school, the volunteer teacher reminded us that today’s Gospel is about how we have to trust Jesus’ healing hands to look after us, to hold us when we ask. So much easier said than done and yet never have I trusted in the Lord and been failed – God’s plan may sometimes look different than my own, yet I can always see in the end how it has taken me down the right roads in my life. Today’s reading from Paul’s second letter to the Corinthians says, “For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, who was proclaimed to you by us, Silvanus and Timothy and me, was not "yes" and "no, " but "yes" has been in him. For however many are the promises of God, their Yes is in him.” That God is the yes in our lives is such an important thing for me to remember – to act and think in trust rather than doubt can change an entire life’s outlook.

It is this Yes that I seek to ask for and answer this Lent. That I can take the time to reflect and see my life in God’s eyes, and to trust, the kind of trust that fills my life and helps me see the more even in the every day and even when every day is long – I ask this and promise to try my best to be present and focused.