Guilt Trip

From today's gospel, from John:

“Lord, if you had been here,
my brother would not have died.”

Both Martha and Mary greet Jesus with this admonition. Their brother is gone, and Jesus wasn't there to save him. Already, they have seen him work miracles. Why would he not work one on their behalf, to save their brother (and Jesus' friend) Lazarus?

How must Jesus have felt to hear these words? Well, how would you feel? The guilt! Lazarus was his friend. Jesus had stayed with him for two days—but then he went on his way. So many of us who have lost loved ones have had the experience of just missing that crucial moment by hours or even minutes. What could we have done to change the outcome? Perhaps by this time Jesus knew that he did have some kind of divine strength that could have saved Lazarus. Or perhaps he simply felt that as a friend, he should have been there. How devastating to hear from his friends Martha and Mary the same kind of admonition that the Pharisees and other adversaries were leveling at Jesus: If you're so great, how did you let this happen?

We have all said words to this effect. The Lord has so much power: why would he allow us to lose the ones that we love? Beyond even the pain of death, each of us endures suffering and hardships that do feel beyond the scope of what we can bear. We believe the Lord can save us from it; why doesn't he?

I have no answer for that, beyond the simple recognition that pain and loss are part of life just as joy and growth are. Having spent some time this weekend in the company of different friends who are grieving and suffering in different ways, over hardships that truly seem to much to bear, I am profoundly aware that there is no easy explanation for this element of the human condition.

But I come back to the joys that we experience together, the comfort that we provide one another, the growth that, perhaps paradoxically, comes out of death and suffering, and know that these losses aren't without meaning. Contrary to the popular expression, I believe that God does give us more than we can bear—at least more than we can bear alone.

We're not meant to bear it alone. We reach out toward one another, we provide comfort and healing and strength, and that's how God raises us up—by allowing us to raise one another up.